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Valley World: The Ratchet Diaries of STD/DoItForTheClickbait
#DoItForTheClickbait is the first episode of Valley World, and the first episode overall. Episode SCENE 1 At Valley World High School, Sofrtia, Deandra and Tanedra are eating lunch when a camera crew for MTV bursts in and tells them exciting news. LACI GREEN (MTV presenter): Congratulations, you guys have won the competition that gives you…a new reality TV show. Sofrita spits out her pumpkin spice latte all over Deandra. Deandra screams. SOFRITA: O-M-G, totally & rad. DEANDRA: Thank you, Jesus. TANEDRA: I can finally get back into the spotlight. LACI GREEN: Yeah, we’re going to set up the cameras for you girls. The MTV crew leave to prepare for shots of the first episode. SOFRITA: Do you guys know what this means? TANEDRA: I can finally become known again instead of the spotlight going to that Bella Thorne girl, I mean who even is? The Valley Girls shrug their shoulders. SOFRITA: No, you dumb hoe. It means we can find some sugar daddies to give us money. DEANDRA: Duh. And Jesus wants me to be a star. Hester walks over to the Valley Girls. HESTER: I’m so happy fo– SOFRITA: Um… bitch. Did I give you permission to speak to me? HESTER: No, but I just wanna congratulate you girls. I’m gonna be OBSESSED with you all. DEANDRA (sarcastically): Well, that’s not creepy. TANEDRA: Yeah, piss off please. Hester walks away. The camera crew come back in. JENNA (from Awkward): Okay girls. I’m the executive producer for this project, so please don’t fuck this up and just be natural. Give me something real. The Valley Girls smile at the camera. SCENE 2 Valley World High School students are giving their input on the girls new found success in confessionals. JENNA: So just tell me what are your thoughts on the girls winning the competition? WILLOW (goth girl): Those girls are… QUEENIE (from AHS): Evil. CHAD (from SQ): And they’re also hot. REALLY hot. HESTER: They are perfect. I wanna wear all off their skins at once. SOFRITA: I can’t help it if everyone wants to kill or fuck me, and sometimes even both. The girls walk around the hallways of high school as the camera crew follow them. DEANDRA: OMFG. School is so boring. TANEDRA: I know. SOFRITA: Will you whores shut your faces. We’re the hottest sluts in this entire hive. ACT. LIKE. IT. TANEDRA: True. The girls in the confessionals DEANDRA: I am so…sick and tired of Sofrita telling me what to do. SOFRITA: Deandra slept with her brother. DEANDRA: Sofrita really said that. O-M-G. What the actual fuck. SOFRITA: She’s nasty. DEANDRA: I never slept with my brother. We accidentally made out during a game of 7 minutes in heaven. WHAT!? Why are you looking at me like that? SOFRITA: She also did furry porn, but her mom doesn’t know. You’ll never guess the porn title? TANEDRA: It’s called “Grinding Nemo” DEANDRA: I hate them. SCENE 3 The girls are having a meeting with their manager who is also the mother of Tanedra. The camera crew are rolling as the following goes down DENISE (from SQ): Okay girls, I’ve got some news. TANEDRA: You booked me another commercial? In the confessional. SOFRITA: Okay, can someone tell me how Tanedra thinks she’s still relevant? TANEDRA: I’m Tanedra and I’m a former Disney star and an actress… who’s currently out of work. Hehe… I ran into some trouble... I’ve had 13 DUI’s and I once obsessively stalked my ex-boyfriend online because he was cheating on me…and I peed on a cop. Yup, I was arrested and fired from Disney. SOFRITA: Guuurl is a hot mess. DEANDRA: Tanedra can’t get work again because she’s such as slut. And Sofrita… I think I might kill her…because Jesus would want that. Back in the meeting. DENISE: No, sweetie. You’re a terrible actress. You can’t sing, you can’t dance and bish, don’t get me started on your acting. Just don’t. I mean, the only jobs you have been able to get since you were. TANEDRA: Don’t say it... DENISE: FIRED!!! TANEDRA: TRIGGERED! DEANDRA: OMFG. Can we please like not do this. I’ve gotta go to church after this. SOFRITA: Is “church” code for sitting on a dick nowadays? Deandra draws daggers at Sofrita and cuts over to her in the confessional. DEANDRA: Seriously, Sofrita is testing me right now. I mean… WHO IS SHE? WHO IS SHE? WHERE DID YOU FIND HER!!! JENNA (voice in the background): What? She’s your friend. DEANDRA: WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU!? Back in the meeting. SOFRITA: Yah, seriously I’ve got plans. I need to go. DENISE: Okay, as part of your fame with your new reality show. Mama Denise just wants to thank you bitches for giving me work an– SOFRITA: Um...I don’t remember letting you be MY manager. Sofrita storms out of meeting and drives to a studio. SOFRITA: Hello? Valley girl here…I’m here for the music video…C’mon I wanna meet Beyonce. Hm... where is everyone? A person in a Barbie mask stands behind Sofrita. SCENE 4 Back in the meeting... DENISE: So back to what I was saying. You guys have been invited to the Realest Awards and if you want to be renewed for a second season. You girls must win this for mama Denise. TANEDRA: OMFG. We can’t win. We’re only starting out the first episode of the series. We don’t even know how the ratings will be…and this is MTV. DEANDRA: I can pray to Jesus. Back at the studio, Sofrita continues to search for someone to help her. SOFRITA: Okay, I’m getting really tired now. Can someone fetch me a pumpkin spice latte? The masked Barbie stands behind Sofrita while Sofrita grabs a vlogger camera from her bag. SOFRITA: I can use this for clickbait videos. “Help! I’m abandoned at the studio” Hey my little sluts. So I’m really pissed right now and I kinda wanna murder someone… Sofrita notices the Barbie masked person standing behind her and turns around. SOFRITA: Haha. If this is a prank… you need to try better than this. The Barbie pulls out a crossbow and points at Sofrita. SOFRITA: Um. Please don’t kill me. Kill Deandra or Tanedra!!! Please don’t kill me. I’m much hotter and way more important. The masked Barbie shoots an arrow into a sandbag. Sofrita screams and runs away. SOFRITA: HELP! HELP! SOMEONE HEEEEEELP ME!!! The masked Barbie gets behind Sofrita and knocks her to the ground where the Barbie shoots the arrow right through Sofrita’s shoulder. Sofrita screams in pain. SOFRITA: OUCH!! OWWY!! SUCK MY HOE DICK. I just asked for a pumpkin spice latte. You are so rude to meh. The masked Barbie walks over to a mirror and writes on it with lipstick and walks away. SOFRITA: I’m so triggered right now…Why would you do this to me? Sofrita then gets up and looks into the mirror to see the message which reads “DIE SLUTZ” SOFRITA: I’m really annoyed right now because Deandra is clearly the slut of the group. Sofrita then points the vlogger camera to her face. SOFRITA: DID YOU WHORES SEE THAT!? SOMEONE LITERALLY TRIED TO KILL ME. OMFG I’m so scared right now…SOMEONE GET ME A PUMPKIN SPICE LATTE NOW!!!! SCENE 5 Deandra and Tanedra stand around Sofrita in the hospital as she wakes up from surgery to the camera crew around her also. SOFRITA: Ew. Sluts. Get out of my fucking face. DEANDRA: Why would you do this to yourself? SOFRITA: Um…I don’t know. One day I decided I needed to give up on my pretty and perfect life. No moron. TANEDRA: Seriously, what happened? SOFRITA: I don’t know, some Barbie masked weirdo tried to kill me. Jenna appears in the room. JENNA: Good news, thanks to Sofrita’s masked killer attack. Everyone has been talking about it non-stop on social media which means that there maybe hope for your show after all. DEANDRA: Thank you, Jesus. SOFRITA: Please die. Wait…How long have I been out for? DEANDRA: A week. Your parents could have had the chance to wake you but they chose not to and went on vacation to Egypt because your awful. Deandra and Tanedra exit and go home. DAPHNE (Deandra’s mother): Oh, sweetie. You’re home. DEANDRA: God mom, get off my fucking back. TANEDRA: Hey Daphne. DAPHNE: Hey Tanedra. Please honey I’m scared. TANEDRA: Well that’s my que to leave. Bye sluts. Tanedra leaves Deandra’s house. DEANDRA: Why mom? DAPHNE: Well, ever since you and your little friends won that reality show. I’ve been getting some cryptic messages on that website with the tweets. DEANDRA: Twitter? DAPHNE: Yes. Daphne shows Deandra the tweets she’s been receiving from Twitter. DEANDRA: Mom, I think these people are just trolls. DAPHNE: But look at this one… “kill yourself”. What does it mean? DEANDRA: I wish I was adopted. Deandra walks out of the room. FINAL SCENE The next day, Tanedra goes to Denise’s office, while Sofrita and Deandra receive a text. Tanedra walks into the office where Denise lies in a pool of blood after she died. TANEDRA: OMG. What the actual fuck? Why is everyone out to get me? She looks over and notices the same message on the mirror. All girls read allowed the messages they receive from the masked Barbie. ALL: You steal my spotlight, so I end your life. Category:Valley World: The Ratchet Diaries of STD Episodes